Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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