When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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