I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize