Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
