Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
