we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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