I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We are all done wearing pants today
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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