So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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