If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
MIDGETS
????
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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