Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize