I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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