Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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