I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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