I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize