i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
