You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
