I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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