I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize