is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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