So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
