I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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