what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
