Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
