I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
