We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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