Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
