just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
