you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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