You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
