True but thats because hes a fetus.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
