i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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