I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
