i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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