i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
