i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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