this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
