Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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