Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
