I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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