Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
