I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
