Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
