I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
