Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
