Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
