Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
In America we eat man semen.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize