It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize