my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
