I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
