Im at strip club and am horny
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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