I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
