Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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