My brain says no but my pants say off.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
