All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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