normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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