did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
