I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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