For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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