there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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