Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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