elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
