you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
