Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
