I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
