he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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