Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
