You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
