I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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