maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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