Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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