you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
and she was petting her beer can
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
