If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
