Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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