Kiss
Puke
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
