Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
birth control should be required to get into college
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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