his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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