i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
